I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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