new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just had sex bonerless
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
