Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
