good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
