My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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