he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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