i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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