Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
