apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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