Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
COCAINE IS GR8
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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