if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
