Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
