That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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