Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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