I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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