I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
