So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
