yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
