Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
