Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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