I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
