Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
