He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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