where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
farters have to be the big spoon...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
