I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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