i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
