We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
