I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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