did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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