I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
