so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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