So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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