If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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