All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
zippers are such a cool invention
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
