8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
