Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
