Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
