we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
