You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
