woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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