On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
