I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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