Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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