He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
