my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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