i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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