I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
