oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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