Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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