So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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