My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
