Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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