i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
