Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
