But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
