What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
