i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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