I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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