At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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