my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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