I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
