Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
