the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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