Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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