Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
