Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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