Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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