you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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