Nicole vs. Life
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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