There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this hospital has no fireball
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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