i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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