we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
