I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
