She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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