he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
