my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
