You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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